“Hey it’s just sex.” I mean pornography. 

 

I got blown away by 23-year-old young woman recently.  We were in my car and she asked me what I did. When I shared with her that I was finishing up a guide book for tween and teen girls on love, sexuality and guys she became emotional.  She said. “Oooh , oooh, don’t tell me about it. I hate sex. I don’t want to hear about it.” What? I knew she lived with her boyfriend, but I did not bring this fact up.  She looked 16, but 23 is not sixteen. What’s up? I asked.  She replied, “I hate sex, but I will read your book. But I don’t want to talk about it.” But I had not asked her to read it. I kept silent and confused.

After our errand she brought up my book – saying again, and adding in a hurt tone, “Well, I will read your book.  Maybe if my mother had told me anything I wouldn’t hate it so much”.  I was confused. Why would you hate sex simply because your mom didn’t share with you?  And then I put two and two together and …I got blown away and deeply saddened.

Think about it.  A girl in her twenties or early thirties today has probably grown up seeing hideous pornographic visuals whether she wanted to or not.  Even if she saw only one or two visuals, it can totally distort for a girl, what sexuality is.   If you are 20 something today, and have parents who never shared with you that sexuality is a loving act in its perfect and right time between two people who love each other, you may well think pornography is what making love is. Yuck and double yuck.  This realization makes me sad for the last two generations. Back in the day we saw everything through romance and love; music, movies, etc. Kids today do not get to see and think of love and romance as we did.

The real crime (deeper than an STD) is that pornography is everywhere and has destroyed what teens and 20 somethings think sex is. Think about your first experience in seeing pornography. Mine was disgusting. I walked by a VHS tape box and it had 2 male member parts …STOP. I won’t share it on a blog.  I was in my early 40s.   The memory has never left me. But I knew about making love, I knew romance. It was how I grew up. I didn’t have to battle visions of pornography that had been thrown in my face and then have to talk myself into what ‘making love’ might be.    Those of us (I’m guessing 45 and over) who were lucky enough not to be exposed to pornography did not hear in movies (and cable TV shows) blatantly say, “I want to F…. her, you, or the dog.” God, we were we fortunate.  We could sweetly visualize one day (and I don’t mean waiting for marriage- but for love) being in a caring physical relationship, and what that might be like.

Most Teens have never heard an adult they respect share with them that love and sexuality is beautiful. Some younger parents today grew up with ‘porn not love’ visuals as their teacher and perhaps this is why we have girls doing sexual acts for no reason, other than to do them – hoping a guy will like them.   Hey, it’s just sex...as they say.

This is what I want our girls to do; feel the love and romance we were able to by simply listening to those major cool rock love songs! Remember Peter Cetera, “I am a man who will fight for your honor… we did it all for the glory of love? “  la la la.  Don’t care if she thinks your a weirdo. Pull them off I tunes and blast them through the house and car. Here are a few you will both love-  Whole Lotta Love – Led Zepplin, Get Ready…Rare Earth, Could it be I’m Fallin in Love…The Spinners, Love takes Time…Orleans, Give Me All Your Lovin…ZZ Top. It will lift both your spirits!

 

 

About the author: Mimmy Loftin

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