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I’m embarrassed. I did not do a ‘blog’ in March. I was geared up to do a 2nd one in February on love and romance, being that girls experiencing real communication and romance is part of my reason for having written Y B G.  I got sideswiped by an over the top Ted Talk.  It was detailed information on young males and pornography. I literally stopped everything for 3 weeks to process it.   My dilemma was whether to share it with you or not. At first I thought – no way.  I quickly realized that if I was a mother of a tween or teen girl, I would want to know what Gail Dines dared to share in her UK Ted talk.  Why? Because information is power and this is a must share.

Today what the average boy 12 ½ to 15 is exposed to is mind blowing and heart breaking.  Not to mention all the older males that view pornography frequently. The content I did not want to believe. Then again Gail Dines, the mother of two boys, took five years of her life to research this modern day atrocity.

Here’s the good news.  You can choose to be part of a very big cultural shift. Have you noticed that we are going through a planetary crisis, in every area of life on earth?  A conscious shift is happening.  And it will take each of us to be willing to stay conscious for great change to happen.

There is great hope.  Real change always starts with small groups. So, I decided not to hide information from you. I can afford not to. Why? Because no one is paying me to be careful about what I say…or will “lose my j – o –b.”  Yes, freedom has its price.

Please don’t hate the messenger. Do though, put on your big girl panties or big guy boxers and watch this PowerfulTed Talk on You Tube.  If a woman can get her doctorate in Sociology and study this for five years, we can be brave enough to watch it.  Please go to www.GailDines.com and click on Ted Talk.

Hang in there. Help is on the way. And YOU are part of this help.

 

 

Tuesday Sept. 29, 2015

 

Do you remember the rock band Bad Company? I was working out to it this morning and noticed that they used the word love a lot in the first 3 songs. The sweet kicker was the 2nd to last s480ong; Ready for Love. And what about Led Zepplin’s Whole Lotta Love?  Here’s something to take note of, moms of tween and teen girls. Romance and love has been the bomb for all females for centuries.  And remember? Music often created in us feelings of love. We didn’t even have to have a boyfriend!

What might your daughter miss out on (besides respect and honor) if she disconnects sexual activity from love and romance?

Many of us heard nonstop love songs from grade school through High school daily on the radio. Even the oldies took us to another world. Remember Little Anthony and the Imperials- Going out of my mind? Wow! Our Rock musicians sang about love, cool female singers sang songs that dripped love and affection, as did our country musicians. It was not sex they sang about.  The energy of love and romance was a part of everyday life. And then…Madonna came in; all rough and tough, “Give it to me”; sadly, no mother guidance there. She had passed. Then hip hop and rap came riding in on MTV. It all revolved around s e x.

Love and romance has become a side kick. Oh what they are missing. And worse what might their memories be? Most adults over 45 have memories that come alive still today -just hearing those songs.

Now days all we hear from talk show hosts, teens, and actors in media is- ‘They had sex’, ‘ We had sex’,  ‘You had sex?’, put out there like it’s a… (get ready) bowel movement; yes, a physical act with no heart connection. Parents today are using these phrases. There are two better phrases that if used often will subconsciously change you and your daughter. I will share them in the next blog.  At first I took it literally. And then I realized, ‘Hey, so do the kids.’ But they are not growing up to love songs. So, if a misguided, or zero guided 8th grade girl performs the epidemic –on and off campus act of “oral’; she has obviously never connected the dots. She has not been guided and primed to know that her sexual well being is connected to her heart and spirit.  Many parents wait for the school to do their job. Yea right.

This is not a criticism.  It is simply reality in today’s world.  How do you share with your daughter the obvious: that romance and love come first, and that her heart and spirit are the guideposts? Don’t all females young and old know this? No, they do not.  For most females this is a no brainer. But a twisted media has taken over. And  parents and their girls, even with a spiritual support system is not enough.  TV programing we can trust is gone and a strong united parental guidance program has yet to been shown to you, There’s no doubt, that most media today corrupts way more than it enhances. Money is their bottom line.

So what’s our goal parents? Keeping them safe is not enough.  Let’s begin by putting two and two together and take action. Please put on your feeling cap. Baby steps, the right questions and willingness to go inside yourself  and answer them- is the only way to grow confident and comfortable with this overwhelming subject.

Here’s your homework for next week. And yes, the answers may vary greatly for a mom who was in high school in the late 90’s.

    1. Have you   a) always or almost always  b) sometimes  or c) rarely    –   connected sexual intimacy with romance and love?
    2. If your answer was always or almost always     –      why and how come? Please write down your answers and thoughts.
    3. If sexual intimacy was only sometimes or rarely connected with love and romance ? Why? How come? Write thoughts and answer down.
    4. How important is to you that your daughter connect love and romance before becoming sexually active?  Why or why  not?  Two paragraphs if possible.                                      
  • Perhaps do this while playing a few of your favorite love songs.  Good luck! 

IMG_0178FIRST YBG BLOG   9-9-2015

I have something…almost ready for you; a book that eases you, the parent, or grandparent- and your tween or teen daughter into conversations that heal and reveal. In today’s world, life lessons, and relevant information about sex, how young (and not so young) guys tend to think and LOVE, for one’s self is where we must be brave enough to go to.  So where does a parent start? How does one create a great ‘slide in’; a beginning point? The book will do this. But something else has to come first; something you will need to do that will make sharing this book with her much, much easier.  For now, just be thinking about your V B S – your Values, your Boundaries and your Standards. Don’t panic- ha, (like I did) just be thinking.

After finishing the manuscript, I reviewed a book by the queen of sex education. She is the best at sharing what information an 8, 10, 12 and 14 year old brain can process. Talk to Me First, came out in 2012. By then, my boys were grown. I raised them smack dab in the beginning of America’s Media Melt Down, (internet, cable, MTV) they were 10 and 12, right during the Clinton scandal. I had to think on my feet.  This giant in the sex education field said to do exactly what I did!  I taught there on the spot.  By then, I had already shown them a wonderful instructional cartoon like video (VHS tape) on the right and wrong ways to talk about sex with your kids. My boys found it very funny. It was called “Let’s Talk About Sex’. The song in it had us singing for months, “Let’s talk about Sex baby…let’s talk about you and me.” la la la.  This is not what most parents feel comfortable doing. But, we are their best, most trusted source, and with knowledge and a sense of humor, you will do a great job.

I hope this first blog didn’t not bore you. I write a lot – but blogs? Oh well, if I had started blogging during the Lyndsey Lohan days or the Miley Cyrus circus…God, help us all. But I believe in perfect timing – and this bigger than big subject, and media’s effect on our children’s mental, emotional and sometimes physical health, will have a light shined on it SO BIG that our kids will know what’s up and what’s right for them …If it’s the last thing I do on this earth. 🙂 🙂

When I told my oldest about the book I was writing, he was 26. He confidently said, “Well, yea mom. That’s your thing”. What? Ha. Our kids know us in ways we don’t know ourselves.

 

 

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